


you are a little mystery to me

by fxbricxtedrexlity



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24506191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxbricxtedrexlity/pseuds/fxbricxtedrexlity
Summary: wheesa. the 2 unnies approach wheein ‘cause they suspect something’s wrong w/ hyejin because of her depressive mood. wheein finds out about hyejin's self-harm tendencies and body hate.
Relationships: Ahn Hyejin | Hwasa/Jung Wheein
Kudos: 42





	you are a little mystery to me

**Author's Note:**

> a tad bit of warning before you proceed :)
> 
> this fic contains mature themes, depression, self-harm, both bad and healthy coping mechanisms, and implied sexual content.
> 
> if you don’t want to read this story, i suggest you press that back button now.
> 
> relationship between mamamoo’s wheein and hwasa
> 
> i am in no way promoting self-harm, please try to seek help if you don’t feel good, or find your own healthy coping mechanisms
> 
> i respect each and every one of the characters and real people i used in this fic

you are a little mystery to me

::

for the wonderful **varoro2**

::

_wheesa. the 2 unnies approach wheein ‘cause they suspect something’s wrong w/ hyejin because of her depressive mood. wheein finds out about hyejin's self-harm tendencies and body hate._

**::**

_every time you come around_

_we talk about it all night long_

_we define our moral ground_

_but when I crawl into your arms_

_everything comes tumbling down_

_come sail your ships around me_

_and burn your bridges down_

_the ship song; nick cave & the bad seeds_

::

“We’re done!” Byulyi exclaimed, draping herself ungracefully against Yongsun’s side, the eldest whining as the other woman’s sweaty face presses against her bare arms, but otherwise just pulls Byulyi firmer against her, weight more against her than the arm of the couch. “We should eat out tonight, been a while since we all ate together.”

Wheein snickered from where she’s seated at the foot of the couch, Hyejin’s legs draped over her shoulders. “Only if you pay for us,” she teases, tongue poking from in between her teeth.

“It’s decided, then,” Byulyi smirks, standing upright and pulling Yongsun with her. “Unnie will pay for all of us!”

“Hey!”

Wheein laughs, throwing her head back and smooshing her face sideways against the meat of Hyejin’s thighs. The youngest woman flinches, pushes away at the crown of Wheein’s head, dislodging her, and earning a raised eyebrow in question.

“If you already have plans, I’ll take off first.” Hyejin says in the low register of her voice, slouched back and a yawn acting as a punctuation on her statement. “I’m tired.”

Byulyi pouts, chin hooked over Yongsun’s shoulder and Wheein just lolls her head back to rest it against the couch, looking over her best friend curiously.

Before Byulyi can open her mouth to protest, Yongsun elbows her on the ribs, thankfully out of the youngest woman’s notice, but the movement clear to Wheein. _Something’s wrong._

“Oppa should be downstairs if you want to catch a ride home, Hyejin,” is what Yongsun says, waving goodbye and shoots Wheein a look that has the younger woman catching up to her best friend, door swinging shut and echoing down the dark hallway.

Hyejin’s hiking her bag against a skinny shoulder. Wheein digs her nails into her palms in an effort to not reach over and _kiss_ the expanse of skin. If it were any other day, she would’ve done just that, but the way Hyejin’s eyes flit to the side, as if waiting for Wheein to call her out on her weird behavior, and is ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

There are moments like this, even with their long relationship history and an even longer friendship, where Hyejin will be the closed off one. And Wheein knows better than anyone that this isn’t a fight she wants to pick, ever.

Instead, Wheein reaches over, kisses the back of Hyejin’s hand as softly as she can, whispering _text me when you’re about to sleep_ , and turns away before she can see the _relief_ on Hyejin’s face at not being pushed.

When she comes back into the practice room, two pairs of eyes convey questions and she just tells them _I’m on it_.

::

That was months ago.

And while Hyejin’s moods come and go, there’s a nagging feeling at the back of Wheein’s brain whenever it happens, telling her that something’s horribly wrong.

::

They’re in between tours, the agency giving them tomorrow the day off before they start picking up the schedule again. She hates feeling this way in between public appearances—people expect her to exude this confidence that she took years to grow, but right now she just feels like taking down every mirror she has in her house and crawl under the covers until she feels better.

She does just that.

Hyejin doesn’t sleep, just listens to music blasted on full volume until she had to get up, plug her phone beside her bed, and stare at the dark corners of her room. She doesn’t know the time when her stomach finally growls in protest, no concept of time so she doesn’t remember the last time she ate.

She likes it that way.

And when she finally gets up the next evening, light-headed from laying down for almost two days, not eating, and no water intake, she finally feels better enough to text Wheein, ignoring countless calls and sending a lion video.

Wheein doesn’t question her.

::

“Mmph,” Wheein groans, lips pressed at Hyejin’s nape as they lay sideways on Hyejin’s couch, fingers gingerly tracing every dip and curve of Hyejin’s stomach, protesting when the younger woman traps her hand, stilling the movement. “Why’d you make me stop?” she whines, voice heavy from disuse since she invited herself inside Hyejin’s apartment early in the morning and effectively spooned the younger woman to submission.

“Ticklish,” is the only response Hyejin offers, tugging at Wheein’s arm tighter until she has Hyejin practically trapped under her body and between the couch.

“You okay?” Wheein tries, voice quiet against the hum of the air conditioner as the light from the muted television plays against their skin.

Hyejin doesn’t respond.

**::**

Wheein _thinks_ that she’s starting to figure it out a week later.

Hyejin’s hand is a tad bit colder, grasped in hers as they weave through the busy streets and stopping at a convenience store just by the edge of Han River.

“Anything you want?” Wheein asks, already grabbing two beers and a ramen for herself, brows furrowing as Hyejin rocks back and forth on her heels, muttering a _I’m good_ underneath her thick scarf.

She hates feeling this out of depth with the woman she’s known for so long, brought back to the time when they were first starting their tentative friendship in middle school, and both of them feels like they’re constantly tip-toeing around each other despite the easy friendship, both not wanting to mess up.

Wheein feels the glare on the back of her head when she goes ahead and orders more food for them, anyway.

When she waddles all the way to a bench, hands full of food and knowing that she won’t get any help from Hyejin when she’s like this, she makes sure to push a little bit more food into Hyejin by spoon feeding her.

And by the time that they’re not even halfway through a cup of ramen and Hyejin’s already claiming she’s full, Wheein thinks she’s starting to figure it out.

**::**

The answer comes in the form of her mom’s cooking.

Hyejin’s already at her apartment, clinging to Wheein in the way that only she can do even with their height, opening the door together as Wheein’s mom lugs around what she’s can only describe as a _fuck-ton_ of homemade food.

It’s a new low, even Wheein admits that. She contacted her mom subtly about missing her cooking and proceeds to list everything she knows Hyejin loves. Her mom, bless her, seemed to catch on and asks _why, is it your anniversary coming up?_ Wheein just stuck to that idea. Easier to stick with than explaining to her mom that _I think Hyejin might be starving herself_.

And when she noticed the other woman’s low appetite and the constant flinches whenever she touches her thighs or her stomach, it has Wheein crying in her pillows the more she reads on the internet _what_ it could be.

Her mom did a dip and go at her apartment, admonishing both of them for being skinnier than last time— _Wheein totally noticed how that particular statement bought something close to a preen to Hyejin’s body language and slight discomfort at getting called out—_ before placing everything in Wheein’s fridge and then whirling away to the front door after excuses of catching up with her friends.

Wheein prepares them a meal, getting just one plate for them both, and tugging Hyejin on the couch, spooning her upright and placing the plate on Hyejin’s knees.

“You’re going to get food on your couch,” Hyejin says through a mouthful, deliberately chewing slowly and Wheein compensates for taking bigger bites.

“You heard my mom, Jinnie,” she whispers, blowing the hot food before placing the spoon by Hyejin’s lips. “, we’re getting skinny. Can’t have people thinking I don’t take care of my girl.”

Hyejin is silent for a moment and Wheein’s okay with that. At least the other woman’s still accepting her spoonful of food, despite their slow progress.

“I don’t want to gain weight,” she says so low that Wheein feels if they ate at the dining table like normal people, she wouldn’t have heard it and Hyejin will have to suffer through repeating something that she’s clearly scared to admit.

Wheein hums, doesn’t know how to respond now that it’s out in the open. So, she opts to squeeze Hyejin’s thighs instead, and getting a sharp flinch in return.

Okay, _now_ Wheein’s scared.

She sets down the plate, arms resting against Hyejin’s waist—easy enough for Hyejin to break free of but also weight firm enough to know that Wheein’s got her.

Wheein swallows, asking if it’s alright to say something, breathing in deeply and her chest aches with the feel of the other woman against her. She’ll do anything for Hyejin, she swears.

“I didn’t mean to but I saw your laundry the other day,” Wheein starts off with, fingers flexing slightly from where she’s keeping them against Hyejin’s waist. “, can you tell me why there’s blood there?”

And her whole body shakes the same time Hyejin crumbles, body heaving at the sudden onslaught of tears and Wheein turns her sideways, kissing her temple and reassuring her that _it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it now, but I’m here. I’m not leaving you._

She doesn’t know how long they stay like that until Hyejin lifts her head up, fitting herself against the crook of Wheein’s neck, hot tears spilling against the skin and Wheein’s hand flits softly against a mane of hair.

Hyejin’s lips are on her neck, whispering about the times she doesn’t feel good in her own body, and it feels like the pain of her anguish is getting branded against Wheein’s neck, fighting against her own tears from flowing in response to Hyejin’s pain.

“Sometimes, I just want to cut if off of me. I feel like if I leave a cut on, the fat might leave and I’ll feel okay again.” Hyejin admits, fingers tightening their grip on Wheein’s shirt. “Feels like I’m too big, most times.”

Her tears stop a few moments after that, Wheein stilling herself from wanting to rip off Hyejin’s shorts and kiss every line she now knows is there, causing the other woman relief and pain.

Instead, she wraps the other woman more tightly against her arms.

“Hyejin-ah, remember this: you are more than what you see,” she punctuates by flexing her arms for a moment, cradling the other woman safely against her, holding her tightly. “The way you are right now? Perfect for me to wrap my arms around.”

Wheein’s out of her depth, wanting Hyejin to know that this is all her body can do, and starving and hurting herself might help for a short while, but if it did work for a long time, then Hyejin’s supposed to be okay now.

It’s a journey, and Wheein’ll be damned if she doesn’t see Hyejin happy with herself by the end of it.

**::**

She mostly ends up at Hyejin’s place most days but Wheein’s fine with it. At least Ggomo’s at Jeonju with her mom so she won’t feel too guilty at staying away from home.

They have a routine of sorts, Wheein making sure Hyejin eats, stepping back when Hyejin tells her that it’s too much, and cuddling each other instead, Wheein making sure to wrap the younger woman firmly, whispering reassurances and praising her for the baby steps she takes.

It took way too long for Wheein’s liking for Hyejin to admit _when_ she feels the need to cut, but now, she knows when to look for the signs.

First is when Hyejin reduces to eating almost nothing for the entire day, so Wheein tries to up her liquid intake instead. Next is when Wheein stubs her toes on the mirror that are suddenly taken down, knowing that it’s one of the days where Hyejin can’t stomach to look at herself.

During these days, she tends to keep a pillow and a blanket with her. If they’re on a schedule, Wheein will lull Hyejin to a light nap, spooning the other woman when she realized that it helps Hyejin when she feels a warm and solid weight atop of her.

One particular moment when they’re at a waiting room, Wheein asked the staff if they can take a nap in another room, and when they’re both situated the best that they can, Hyejin asked her: “Why do you always make me sleep?”

“That way, you won’t look at yourself and you won’t have an itch,” the _to cut_ hangs in the air and Hyejin seems to understand it all the same. Wheein hums against the back of Hyejin’s hair, tugging her closer. “Plus, you’ll wake up feeling hungry, and I can satisfy me need to feed you.”

“You have weird kinks,” Hyejin quips, teases, already halfway to sleeping. Wheein thinks she’s helping, somewhat. Hyejin gets some rest and agrees to eat a little bit more, and Wheein is placated with the progress her best friend has made.

**::**

It’s years after and Wheein’s kissing her way down Hyejin’s body, moaning as the other woman’s thighs sandwich her head, that she never forgets to kiss the few soft lines, the skin lighter that the rest of Hyejin.

She whispers sweet everything’s against the heat of the other woman, happy and content. In love.

**::**

end.

**::**

giving another thanks to **varoro2**

thank you and have a good one!

**Author's Note:**

> **follow the link/s on my[ twitter ](https://twitter.com/rexwrites/status/1341058168483315712?s=20)for updates and if you want to be my friend! :D **


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